Author Archives: Kathy

Best Search Engine Terms: Fall, 2015

I am always amused by the phrases people search for to wind up at my site. Certain phrases have an obvious connection, such as “access bollywood,” “bollywood movies on netflix,” or “gunda movie.” Other connections are less obvious. Here are some search term highlights from the last couple of months.

[Note: This post contains offensive language and sexual content. Reader discretion advised.]

Often the funniest search terms are full of spelling errors. Kudos to Google for deducing what this person wanted when searching for the following:

  • bolewd.flems

While I strive to minimize spelling errors in my flem reviews here at Access Bolewd, some movie titles are harder than others. Singh Is Bliing proved particularly challenging:

  • sing is blang
  • singh is blank
  • singh is blaing
  • singh is beleng

This one’s really darn cute:

  • my favourite movie two states information

I liked these, too:

  • rang de basanti emotionz
  • pizza hut in bang bang
  • trick to become charming for girl in hindi
  • bollywood horrer movies in boats

I’m not sure such detailed directions were really necessary here:

  • open main menu search happy new year (2014 film) happy new year

The answer is no:

  • was gunda a blockbuster

When people aren’t searching for questions with obvious answers, they are looking for pornography (not that they will find any here):

  • holiday a soldier is never off duty ass video sex
  • only indian gujarati and hindi sex videos with voice

Some people are into guys:

  • varun dhawan penis
  • randeep hooda hot penis suck

Some people are into gals:

  • fucking photo of konkana sen
  • we can actually see huma qureshi is ass in badlapur
  • madhuri dixit hard sexx.com
  • divya dutta getting fucked in bhag milkha
  • girl ke bobos

And some of you just have weird taste:

  • mithun chakraborty wearing underwear image
  • www sex kiron kherr bollywood com
  • zareen khan foot without nailpolish
  • ileana d’cruz smoking cigarette
  • anupam kher sexy mustache

The Split Screen Podcast Debuts

Big news! Shah Shahid — the man behind the multimedia review site Blank Page Beatdown — just debuted the Split Screen Podcast. Shah’s guest on the first three episodes of the podcast is none other than… ME!

SplitScreenPodcast

Here’s how Shah sums up the goal of the podcast:

The Split Screen Podcast will compare and analyze movies that are adaptations of other works, directly with the source material that they were inspired by. The goal is to essentially determine how good or bad the adaptations were and, most excitingly, going off on long winded, expletive laced rants when they’re bad.

Bollywood flicks are perfectly suited to such a podcast, given how many Hindi films are remakes of other movies. Shah is a lifelong Bollywood fan with a wide-ranging field of interests — including Hollywood films, comic books, and superhero TV shows — and he reviews them all at Blank Page Beatdown. Check the time stamp on his tweets, and you’ll notice that he stays up well into the night ranting about Dune or the latest episode of Quantico.

Though future episodes will cover films in other genres, the first three episodes are all about Bollywood (my realm of expertise). The initial episode is an intro to the podcast — labeled Episode 00 accordingly — in which we discuss Bollywood remakes in general. Episode 01 compares the Hindi film Ghajini to its far, far, far superior inspiration, Memento. In Episode 02, we rail against the horrible changes made to the female protagonist when Knight and Day was remade as Bang Bang!.

The podcasts are full of spoilers and some swear words, so be forewarned. Please check out the Split Screen Podcast and let me know what you think! Enjoy!

To keep up to date with new episodes of the podcast, follow Split Screen Podcast on Twitter or visit Shah’s website, Blank Page Beatdown.

Bollywood Box Office: November 6-8

It has been two weeks since the last new Bollywood film opened in North America, so theater traffic was predictably slow over the weekend. Here are the results for the three Hindi movies showing in the United States and Canada from November 6-8, 2015.

  • Shaandaar: Week 3; $15,874 from 24 theaters; $661 average; $597,365 total
  • Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2: Week 4; $10,263 from 15 theaters; $684 average; $240,078 total
  • Talvar: Week 6; $108 from two theaters; $54 average; $334,085 total

Source: Rentrak, via Bollywood Hungama

Streaming Video News: November 6, 2015

I updated my list of Bollywood movies on Netflix with one new addition to the catalog. The 2014 action flick Bang Bang! — starring Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif — is now available for streaming. Bang Bang! is an okay movie on its own, but this remake is a pale imitation of its inspiration: Knight and Day, starring Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise.

In Theaters: November 6, 2015

A second straight weekend with no new Bollywood movies in Chicago area theaters. Here’s what carries over as of Friday, November 6, 2015:

The documentary Meet the Patels gets another week at the Wilmette Theatre in Wilmette.

Other Indian films playing in the Chicago area this weekend include Kanche (Telugu w/no subtitles) at Cinemark at Seven Bridges in Woodridge and MovieMax, which also carries Tripura (Telugu), Raju Gari Gadhi (Telugu), Pathemari (Malayalam), Naanum Rowdy Dhaan (Tamil), Amar Akbar Anthony (Malayalam), Ennu Ninte Moideen (Malayalam), and Life of Josutty (Malayalam). Note that several of these films only run through the weekend at MovieMax, due to a major schedule overhaul on Monday.

Watching Bollywood Movies on the New Apple TV

Apple just released its new Apple TV, complete with the ability to search for movies across services. Responding to voice commands, Siri searches for films not only in Apple’s own iTunes store but also in the catalogs of streaming services like Netflix and Hulu. So how well does Apple TV’s new system work for Bollywood movies?

One of the big perks of the new system is that Siri can search by genre. If you’re in the mood for a comedy, just ask her to look for comedy movies, and she’ll return a bunch of titles that fit the bill. She can get even more specific if you ask for sub-genres like foreign comedies or military comedies.

What Siri can’t do is find Bollywood movies as a genre. She recognized the command “Find Bollywood movies” correctly, but only offers an apology: “Sorry, I can’t find that.” Same if you ask her to find Indian movies or Hindi movies. She currently couldn’t find Korean or French movies, either.

Siri has trouble recognizing many names of Indian actors and Hindi movie titles. The system offers several language settings — such as “English” (American is implied), “English (U.K.),” and “English (Indian)” — but changing the settings doesn’t affect Siri’s ability to recognize words.

Siri had no problem with Amitabh Bachchan and Priyanka Chopra. And though Siri interpreted Akshay Kumar as “Oxier Kumar,” she used the “Kumar” part of his name to find a selection of his films. She wasn’t so accurate with Shahrukh Khan, whom she heard as “Sharbrook Con.” (What is a sharbrook?) Attempts to search for Hrithik Roshan returned “Griffin Rochan” and “Find the Russian.”

Kajol got the funniest result by far. Siri heard the star’s name as “Call Joel,” which prompted her to display the following message:

SiriKajol

Searching for movie titles via Siri produced more humorous results. Kahaani became “Call Hymie,” prompting the same note about phone calls as Kajol. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge returned “The wallet I love honey giant gay” and “Bill Walle I love honey jayenge.” At least Siri got “jayenge” the second time, though I’m not sure who Bill Walle is.

As with actors’ names, Siri sometimes got titles right, too. She was able to differentiate between Barfi and Barfly, displaying the appropriate movie in each case.

Though slower than using Siri, the most effective method for finding the Bollywood film you want is to skip Siri and use the Apple TV’s search function on the homescreen. Using the Apple TV remote, swipe left or right to type in the name of a movie, actor, or director. The swipeable keyboard is a pain to use; all 26 letters are in a single horizontal line, so you spend a lot of time going back and forth between each letter. Hopefully, Apple is working on a better system for typing.

Titles or names matching your search show up below the text bar. Click on a title to get more information about a specific film. The list of cast and crew that appear on the left side of the screen aren’t clickable, but the names appear again further down the page in clickable format.

Each film’s specific page displays the various ways to watch it. If you have an active Netflix or Hulu subscription, those viewing options appear first, ahead of the purchasing and rental options available through iTunes. Apple doesn’t try to trick you into paying for something that you can already watch for free.

If you downloaded the Netflix or Hulu apps to the Apple TV, but don’t have an active subscription, a title’s availability on a given service is still noted on the individual movie’s page. For example, my Hulu account isn’t currently active, but it still appeared as an option on the page for the film The World Before Her. My viewing options were listed in this order: Netflix, iTunes, Hulu. If I wanted to renew my Hulu subscription, I could do it through the Apple TV, without having to open another device.

Though Apple TV claims it supports searches by genre, attempts to do so (via both typing and Siri) did not work in my tests. If you want to find the entire category of Bollywood movies, you have to go into the iTunes Movies section on the home screen. Choose “Foreign,” then scroll down to find a colorful banner labeled “Bollywood” with a picture of a dancing woman. There you can see what’s new to iTunes, and scroll through a few sub-genres. However, since area this is specifically within the iTunes store, individual movie pages don’t show you if the film is available on other services. You have to go back out the search page and check the specific title to see if it’s available at Netflix, or some other service.

The actual Apple TV viewing experience is really enjoyable. Swiping down from the top of the touch-sensitive remote control displays audio options, including the ability to toggle subtitles in most apps. “Reduce loud sounds” is another great audio option, allowing for a better balance between dialogue and sound effects.

My favorite feature is the video scrubbing option, which allows you to see shots from the movie as you scroll forward and backward on the remote’s touchpad. This makes it a lot easier to find specific scenes, and it worked well in tests with iTunes, Netflix, and YouTube. So now if you’re watching Gunda on YouTube, you can easily scan ahead to the part where Shankar finds the baby in the garbage can, and then scan further to watch him toss the baby to his pet monkey. It also makes it easier to find this:

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 7.20.21 PM

In my brief experience, YouTube streaming worked more smoothly on Apple TV than on Google’s own Chromecast, which was an unexpected benefit.

Obviously, Apple TV has some kinks to work out with Siri’s audio recognition and the swipe keyboard, but overall it’s a great device for Bollywood fans. An ability to search by genre outside of the iTunes store would be a huge bonus, and apps by streaming services like Eros Now and Spuul — maybe even Amazon? — would make it invaluable.

Bollywood Box Office: October 30-November 1

An absence of new Bollywood fare in theaters combined with Halloween falling on a Saturday led to a lackluster weekend at the North American box office. Shaandaar led the field in its second weekend in theaters. From October 30-November 1, 2015, it earned $93,878 from 124 theaters ($757 average). It has earned a total of $544,469 in North America so far.

The only other Hindi film showing in both the United States and Canada over the weekend was Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2. In its third weekend in theaters, it took in another $24,289 from 28 theaters ($867 average). Its total stands at $222,309.

As is often the case these days, Canadian theaters had to be much happier with the weekend’s results than their US counterparts. Canadian theaters showing Shaandaar averaged earnings of $1,387 per screen, versus $657 average in the US. Canadian theaters showing Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2 averaged $1,154 per screen, versus $789 average in the US.

Other Hindi movies still showing in US theaters:

  • Jazbaa: Week 4; $530 from two theaters; $265 average; $402,303 total
  • Talvar: Week 5; $241 from two theaters; $121 average; $333,693 total

Sources: Box Office Mojo and Rentrak, via Bollywood Hungama

Movie Review: Haraamkhor (2015)

Haraamkhor3.5 Stars (out of 4)

Haraamkhor (international title: The Wretched) is a captivating examination of adolescents and their understanding of sexuality and romantic relationships. The stakes are high for the kids in the film as they takes their uneasy steps toward adulthood.

The action in Haraamkhor centers around Sandhya (Shweta Tripathi), a 15-year-old schoolgirl. Her mother abandoned her years ago, and her police constable father is a secretive drunk. She’s new to the small town in Gujarat where she lives, and she has no friends.

She does have an admirer, however. Kamal (Irfan Khan of Chillar Party) is a skinny boy a few years Sandhya’s junior, and he is determined to marry her. Unfortunately, Kamal breaks both of his arms at the start of the film, forcing him to rely heavily on his best friend, Mintu (Modh Samad), for assistance in his romantic pursuits.

Mintu is the main source of dubious information about sex for all of the prepubescent boys in town. According to Mintu, a boy and a girl have to get married if they see each other naked. He helps Kamal spy on Sandhya in the shower before developing several botched plans to trick Sandhya into seeing Kamal naked. The best of his ridiculous plans involves Mintu acting as a miniature Hugh Hefner, photographing underwear-clad Kamal in what passes for a seductive pose to a pre-teen boy.

Sandhya’s other admirer isn’t so innocent. She’s smitten with her teacher, Shyam (Nawazuddin Siddiqui), and the older man is happy to draw her into a sexual relationship. This isn’t his first time. His wife, Sunita (Trimala Adhikari), is herself a former student.

Kamal and Mintu are convinced that Sandhya and Shyam are having an affair, but the boys don’t completely understand what that means or consequences it could have. Shyam certainly does, but he’s brazen enough to ride around the small town with Sandhya. She wraps her head in a scarf as a disguise, as if people won’t recognize her bright red backpack and school uniform.

Writer-director Shlok Sharma is forgiving of Kamal’s and Sandhya’s naiveté. Kamal is very much still a kid, and Sandhya lacks good adult role models to guide her through puberty. She’s been disappointed by adults before — but not outright deceived, as she is by Shyam.

Sandhya eventually finds that role model in Neelu (Shreya Shah), the girlfriend her father has kept secret for years. Neelu knows exactly what Sandhya is going through and guides the girl without pushing her. The tender development of their relationship is one of the highlights of the film.

Every performance in the film is excellent. Shah is patient, Adhikari annoyed. Khan and Samad are boyhood at its most endearing. Tripathi is superb, playing a character half her age with great sympathy.

Siddiqui makes a villainous character seem downright ordinary, as though Shyam could be any guy in any town. He’s a violent predator, but thanks to Siddiqui, we see how Shyam is able to maintain his good standing in town for as long as he does.

The integration of Haraamkhor‘s two main storylines isn’t always successful. A scene of Shyam trying to molest Sandhya is immediately followed by Kamal and Neelu sneaking around Sandhya’s house, accompanied by dodo music. It’s hard to flip the emotional switch as quickly as Sharma demands.

But that’s the point of Haraamkhor, I guess. Kids don’t always get to grow up at the pace they are ready for.

Links

Streaming Video News: October 30, 2015

I updated my list of Bollywood movies on Hulu with one new addition to the catalog. 2015’s Hunterrr is now available for streaming, without a subscription. While not a perfect film, Hunterrr does have interesting performances by Radhika Apte and Gulshan Devaiah, two actors I’d love to see more of in the future.

In Theaters: October 30, 2015

We’re entering a fallow period for Bollywood films here in the US, with nothing new likely to hit theaters until Salman Khan’s Prem Ratan Dhan Payo opens on November 12. Just two Hindi films command space in Chicago area theaters the weekend beginning Friday, October 30, 2015.

The romantic comedy Shaandaar carries over for a second week at the Regal Gardens Stadium 1-6 in Skokie, MovieMax Cinemas in Niles, Regal Round Lake Beach 18 in Round Lake Beach, AMC South Barrington 30 in South Barrington, Marcus Addison Cinema in Addison, and Regal Cantera Stadium 17 in Warrenville.

Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2 gets a third week at MovieMax and the South Barrington 30.

The hilarious documentary Meet the Patels sticks around at the Cantera 17 and Wilmette Theatre in Wilmette.

Other Indian movies playing in the Chicago area: