Tag Archives: 3G

Worst Bollywood Movies of 2013

This is the sixth “worst movies of the year” post I’ve written, and every year the worst movies share the same problems: bad plot construction, unintentionally unlikable protagonists, and the reprehensible treatment of female characters. (Click on the title of each movie to read my original review.)

Most of this year’s crop of bad movies have the standard problems, but I give credit to Zila Ghaziabad for making it onto the list for a whole new reason: failure to appreciate the strength of the Censor Board’s opposition to smoking.

While all Indian filmmakers know that scenes in which a character smokes are likely to be tagged with an onscreen warning that reads, “Cigarette smoking is injurious to health,” director Anand Kumar refused to capitulate in Zila Ghaziabad. As a result, the warning appears onscreen for nearly half of the movie. It’s so distracting that I’m almost convinced it was deliberate and that the whole movie is Kumar’s dig at the Censor Board.

Among movies that stunk in more conventional fashion, Bajatey Raho, Bullett Raja, and Fukrey were full of plot holes that never should’ve made it out of a first draft, let alone into a finished project. Fukrey wins bonus points for a racist scene in which a character refers to a group of black bodyguards as the “Chicago Bulls.”

I, Me aur Main and Ramaiya Vastavaiya were hampered by really, really unlikeable lead characters. Not to be outdone, Grand Masti featured not one, but three total jerks in leading roles. I’m awarding bonus points to Grand Masti for racism, sexism, and making a joke about gang rape.

Grand Masti wasn’t the only movie to try to make light of rape or treat it as a plot device. The threat of rape was used to provoke the male leads in R… Rajkumar and Himmatwala. Both movies try to make that case that a woman’s only defense against rape is a strong male family member or boyfriend.

As patronizing as that idea is, it’s still not as abhorrent as the violently sexist message of my worst film of 2013: 3G. This poorly written horror movie cites pornography as the primary reason romantic relationships fail, but never suggests that the problem lies with those who view porn. Instead, it explicitly blames the women who perform in porn (and implicitly blames any woman with a sex drive). Want to get rid of porn? Kill all the porn stars!

At the same time that the movie blames sexually active women for provoking the violence committed against them, directors Shantanu & Sheershak go out of their way to portray actress Sonal Chauhan as a sex object. The camera ogles her breasts and buttocks while she writhes around on the beach and on a kitchen island (something I’m guessing she doesn’t do for fun when she’s at home alone).

Shantanu & Sheershak fail to recognize their own hypocrisy. Who’s more responsible for Chauhan’s depiction as a sex object: Chauhan — a paid performer — or the men who told her what to do and how to pose, filmed her, paid her, and then counted on others to pay to watch what they filmed?

Worst Bollywood Movies of 2013

  1. 3G — Buy at Amazon
  2. Grand Masti — Buy at Amazon
  3. Himmatwala — Buy/rent at Amazon or iTunes
  4. Fukrey — Buy/rent at Amazon or iTunes
  5. Bullett Raja — Buy at Amazon
  6. R… Rajkumar — Buy/rent at Amazon or iTunes
  7. Ramaiya Vastavaiya — Buy/rent at Amazon or iTunes
  8. Zila Ghaziabad — Buy at Amazon
  9. I, Me aur Main — Buy at Amazon
  10. Bajatey Raho — Buy at Amazon

Previous Worst Movies Lists

Streaming Bollywood Movies: Eros Now

I originally wrote this article back in 2013. Please click this link to view my updated writeup on Eros Now, written in late 2016.

Since posting my article on streaming Bollywood movies on the iPad last year, a new service has emerged to challenge Netflix as the best app for viewing Hindi films. How does the massive catalog of Eros Now stack up?

Eros International got its start in the 1970s acquiring the distribution rights to a host of films before entering the production business in the 2000s. As such, Eros Now features wide array of movies — new and old — that aren’t available for streaming elsewhere. There’s very little crossover between the Hindi-language catalogs of Eros Now and Netflix.

Like Netflix, Eros Now is available on desktop computers as well as Apple and Android tablets. Also like Netflix, Eros Now has a monthly subscription fee of $7.99. Both services require payment through their websites and not via the App Store, which is a disappointment.

Being both a production house and a distributor, Eros Now has the option of making home productions available for streaming sooner than Netflix can acquire rights. Table No. 21 opened in theaters on January 4, 2013, and was available for streaming on Eros Now just weeks after its release.

Eros Now went a step further on March 15, when it made the horror film 3G available for streaming in select countries (including the US and the UK) on the same day that it released in theaters in India. The film is available to Eros Now subscribers at no additional cost, but it is also available to non-subscribers for a 48-hour rental that costs just $1.99. This rental format has great growth potential, as it satisfies international fans’ demand for new content, while saving Eros the cost of shipping prints overseas and undercutting piracy.

The app itself is easy to use, with better, narrower search parameters than the Netflix app. Movies can be browsed and sorted by genre, language, and decade, with the ability to separate out trailers from full-length films. One quirk of the search feature is that it demands the input of three characters, making it impossible to search for 3G by title.

Unfortunately, the app and website lack a queue feature, and movie viewing doesn’t carry over from one device to another. In fact, the app forces the user to sign in at the start of virtually every session. Close the app in the middle of a movie to run an errand, and you’ll likely be forced to restart the film from the beginning when you return to it.

The video quality is less crisp than that of Netflix, regardless of the age of the film or the strength of the Wi-Fi network. Images never come into perfect focus, and scenes with a lot of movement, such as dance numbers, can look like a messy, pixelated jumble.

English subtitles do not appear automatically in the video but can be added by clicking on the “CC” button at the top right of the screen. This is a nice bonus for viewers who don’t need them and find them distracting.

For many fans, the biggest selling point of Eros Now is likely its impressive music catalog. The service features music videos and soundtrack albums for most of the films in the streaming catalog, as well as for films yet to be released, such as Nautanki Saala and Chashme Badoor.

Though it lacks a film queue, the app allows users to generate a music playlist. Another bonus is that the music continues to play even after closing out of the app. It’s nice to be able to create a playlist to listen to in the background while catching up on Twitter.

So how does one decide between Netflix and Eros Now? If the choice is based on video quality alone, Netflix is the clear winner. Netflix also has the advantage of having a massive library of movies and TV shows in dozens of other languages. But Eros Now’s music library may be enough to sway some customers. The choice may ultimately come down to the contents of each of catalog.

The battle between the catalogs is pretty much a draw, as both offer a lot of good options. Eros Now lays claim to movies like Omkara, Pinjar, Om Shanti Om, English Vinglish, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, and Dabanng. Netflix offers Kahaani, 7 Khoon Maaf, Jodhaa Akbar, Delhi Belly, Chak De India, and Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.

Eros Now gets new movies sooner than Netflix, but for every Table No. 21 and 3G, there’s a Mai — Love Your Mother or Rajdhani Express: 2013 releases that failed to generate any buzz whatsoever.

Because I can rent new movies for $1.99 on a one-off basis through Eros Now, I don’t see any reason to continue my monthly subscription. I’d have to watch at least four movies a month via the service to make it cost-effective. Since my reviews focus on new releases, I wouldn’t break even most months. Instead, I’ll track possible future rental opportunities via Eros International’s Wikipedia page (which lists the names of notable films in the Eros catalog and upcoming releases) and use the app on an ad hoc basis.

Movie Review: 3G (2013)

3G0 Stars (out of 4)

Buy the DVD at Amazon

There’s been much discussion recently about the role the Hindi film industry plays in perpetuating negative stereotypes of women and encouraging male violence against women. Those who hold Bollywood responsible need look no further than 3G for supporting evidence. The movie is a masterpiece of misogyny and an inept horror movie to boot.

The film starts with a laughable premise. Onscreen text informs us: “4.3 billion mobile users in the world. Every minute 60 thousand calls of unknown sources of origin received worldwide… People believe these calls are spirits trying to connect to our world.” No one believes that! Those calls from “Unknown Number” aren’t from ghosts. They’re from telemarketers.

The text disappears to make way for scenes of a happy couple at a secluded lake. Then the guy stabs the woman in the eye with a lit road flare. Roll opening credits!

We don’t see the guy again until later, as the story shifts to a couple vacationing in Fiji. Sam (Neil Nitin Mukesh) makes an absurd entrance via speedboat, only to have his girlfriend, Sheena (Sonal Chauhan), accidentally knock his cell phone into the ocean. The used 3G phone he buys as a replacement is haunted.

Sheena is apparently terrible at reading people, and she laughs at the increasingly haggard-looking Sam when he confesses that he gets calls in the middle of the night from a strange woman. At first, the woman confesses her love. Then a video shows her being murdered. Then Sam starts seeing her in person, culminating in Sheena turning into the dead lady while Sam makes out with her.

This would seem to be the classic horror plot device of a ghost contacting the living to obtain posthumous justice. Typically, Sam could rid himself of the specter by finding the woman’s body and the identity of her killer. Instead, Sam becomes periodically possessed by the spirit of the man who killed the woman, during which times he tries to kill Sheena. Or himself.

Just who exactly is haunting this phone?

The identity of the woman, Chaima (Mrinalini Sharma), and her killer, Mong (Asheesh Kapoor), are revealed late in the film. I’m not spoiling anything as there are no clues to their identities earlier in the story. They are brand new characters introduced at the last minute with no connection to other side characters, despite some nonsensical retroactive continuity.

There’s no way to explain the nature of the haunting, because the filmmakers threw a bunch of horror clichés at the wall to see what would stick. The phone is haunted because of an ancient Greek cult! Fijian witchcraft! Science!

The scientific explanations are hilarious. Apparently, Mong was a programmer trying to find a way to contact the dead by getting cell phone signals to interact with the “God particle,” or Higgs boson. Here’s the thing: THE GOD PARTICLE IS NOT GOD! It is not supernatural!

Catholic symbolism is tossed about as well, though the rosary Sam wears has no effect on him when he’s possessed, nor does the priest they consult offer any useful information.

3G could be forgiven were it just an inexpertly made horror movie, but the way it depicts women is reprehensible. According to 3G, women are objects of male lust who deserve punishment (by men) for having been objectified (by men).

Take the way that directors Sheershak Anand and Shantanu Ray Chhibber portray their lead actors. There’s one shot of Mukesh emerging from the pool shirtless, but dozens of voyeuristic shots of Chauhan. Her character is introduced emerging from the ocean in slow motion wearing a bikini. She writhes around in the sand, on a bed, and on a kitchen island, arching her back and contorting her face in simulated orgasm. The camera pans across her legs, lingering on her breasts and her buttocks.

The saddest part of the film comes when, via flashback, Chaima admits to being a porn star, the “crime” for which Mong ultimately kills her. She pleads with him for mercy, saying, “You have no idea what I escaped from.” So, Chaima left a situation so bad that working in porn is a step up, yet Mong has no sympathy for her.

The film ends with another bit of text almost as dumb as that which started the film: “13000 adult clips are downloaded every minute on mobile networks worldwide… Resulting in 27% of personal relationships breaking up.”

I’m skeptical of the stats supplied by Shantanu & Sheershak, let alone the conclusions drawn from them. Their solution to the scourge of porn is typical victim-blaming. According to them, the problem isn’t due to the millions of men who download the clips, it’s caused by the women who make the movies. Kill all the porn stars, and there will be no porn!

This is exactly the kind of sexist bullshit that Bollywood is rightly criticized for. Crimes against women aren’t committed because of movies (just like video games don’t cause mass shootings), but there are thousands of men who will watch 3G and take it as confirmation of their twisted opinions: “Women are greedy, lying sluts who will do anything for money.” This kind of misogyny is toxic and needs to stop.

Links

In Theaters March 15, 2013

Update: The new release 3G is currently available on Eros Now not only to subscribers but on a 48-hour rental basis for $1.99. However, due to rights restrictions, the film isn’t available online in India, Pakistan, Burma, Fiji, UAE, Mauritius, Kenya, or South Africa.

Uh-oh. This is the second weekend in a row with no new Hindi movies opening in Chicago area theaters. The absence of Jolly LLB isn’t a surprise, but I expected Y-Films’ Mere Dad Ki Maruti to release here. I’m still hopeful that we’ll get the Bipasha Basu horror flick Aatma next week, but there’s a chance Chicago area Bollywood fans will have to go without until Himmatwala debuts on March 29.

The good news is that Eros Now subscribers can watch 3G on the streaming service starting this Friday, March 15, the same day that it opens in India. That bad news for Neil Nitin Mukesh fans is that the failure of 3G to get a large roll out on the heels of a very small U.S. release of David last month seems to definitively rule him out as a bankable international leading man. I expect we won’t see much of him in The States in the future outside of roles in ensemble pictures like 7 Khoon Maaf.

In the meantime, Kai Po Che! — which has earned $1,013,738 from three weeks in U.S. theaters — carries over for a fourth week at the Big Cinemas Golf Glen 5 in Niles, AMC South Barrington 30 in South Barrington, and Regal Cantera Stadium 17 in Warrenville.

The Golf Glen 5 is also holding over The Attacks of 26/11 for a third week, as well as Back Bench Student (Telugu), Paradesi (Tamil), and Romans (Malayalam).