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Split Screen Podcast, Episode 11: We Are Family vs. Stepmom

SplitScreenPodcast

Another episode of the Split Screen Podcast featuring yours truly is now available for your listening pleasure. In Episode 11, show host Shah Shahid and I discuss why the Bollywood flick We Are Family is an inferior copy of the Hollywood film Stepmom and struggle to determine why the little boy in We Are Family even exists.

You can subscribe to the Split Screen Podcast at iTunes, or you can listen to Episode 11 in your browser on this page at Shah’s website, Blank Page Beatdown. (Read his new review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens while you’re there.) Every episode of the Split Screen Podcast can be found here. I’m featured in the following episodes:

Split Screen Podcast, Episode 10: Jazbaa vs. Seven Days

SplitScreenPodcast

Episode 10 of the Split Screen Podcast is now live. In this episode, show host Shah Shahid and I compare Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s 2015 Bollywood thriller Jazbaa to its inspiration, the Korean film Seven Days. Shah and I agree that Seven Days is the superior movie, though Shah is a little more forgiving of Jazbaa director Sanjay Gupta’s quirks than I am.

You can subscribe to the Split Screen Podcast at iTunes, or you can listen to the Episode 10 in your browser on this page at Shah’s website, Blank Page Beatdown. Other episodes that feature my Midwestern-accented commentary include Episode 8 (Warrior vs. Brothers), Episode 2 (Knight and Day vs. Bang Bang), Episode 1 (Memento vs. Ghajini), and the podcast’s introductory Episode 0. All of the episodes of the Split Screen Podcast can be found here. Enjoy!

Worst Bollywood Movies of 2015

While the majority of the worst Bollywood films of 2015 are guilty of garden variety stupidity, a pair of movies were especially loathsome. Here are my picks for the worst Bollywood movies of 2015. (Click on the title of each movie to read my original review.)

The dual-narrative romantic drama Roy wound up on the list due to an excess of ennui and emotionally immature dialogue.

I wish that both Gabbar Is Back and Welcome Back had stayed away.

Jazbaa managed to make talented actors Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Irrfan Khan look ridiculous (and green-tinted).

Two awful examples of Bollywood nepotism made the list. Producer-offspring Jackky Bhagnani’s inevitable rise to super-stardom was deferred yet again by his awful performance in Welcome 2 Karachi. In her Bollywood debut, Govinda’s daughter Tina single-handedly ruins Second Hand Husband with her squinty delivery and nonexistent dance moves.

The most painful theater-going experience of the year was Shamitabh, a movie so annoying that I was literally begging out loud for it to end.

Dirty Politics is a textbook example of how not to make a movie.

The offensive Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2 came in a close second place for suggesting that all women who report being raped are liars. That such a hateful movie purports to be a comedy makes it all the more disturbing.

My worst movie of 2015 struck a nerve, going beyond just offending and veering into moral recklessness. Director Umesh Shukla and writers Sumit Arora and Niren Bhatt should be ashamed for claiming that Alzheimer’s disease is a result of filial neglect that can easily be cured if children are nicer to their parents. Given that a lack of awareness about Alzheimer’s persists in India, using a film to offer bogus medical advice and assign undeserved blame is irresponsible. For those reasons — in addition to it being just a plain old sucky movie — my worst Bollywood film of 2015 is All Is Well.

Kathy’s Ten Worst Bollywood Movies of 2015

  1. All Is Well — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  2. Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2 — Buy at Amazon
  3. Dirty Politics — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  4. Shamitabh — Buy at Amazon
  5. Second Hand Husband
  6. Welcome 2 Karachi
  7. Jazbaa — Buy/rent at Amazon
  8. Welcome Back — Buy at Amazon
  9. Gabbar Is Back — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  10. Roy — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon

Previous Worst Movies Lists

Best Bollywood Movies of 2015

2015 offered up a satisfying mix of sweet, intimate stories and dark thrills and chills. Here are my picks for the best Bollywood movies of 2015. (Click on the title of each movie to read my original review.)

The year ended on a triumphant note with the release of the historical epic romance Bajirao Mastani. Director Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s colorful, lavish style demands to be seen on the big screen.

Two smaller Hindi films that played at the Chicago South Asian Film Festival prove that big budgets aren’t necessary to make a great movie. Haraamkhor and Dhanak depict the struggles of childhood in very different ways, with Dhanak being easily the sweetest film of the year.

Early 2015 saw the release of two great revenge thrillers: Badlapur and NH10. While Badlapur explores the toll that a lingering desire for vengeance takes on a grieving husband (Varun Dhawan), NH10 is a race against the clock for a woman (Anushka Sharma) trying to defeat the men out to kill her.

In contrast to such dark fare, Piku lovingly and humorously explores the tense relationship between an adult daughter (Deepika Padukone) who hits the road with her ailing father (Amitabh Bachchan).

A pair of top-notch crime thrillers also made the list. Talvar‘s unique story structure sets apart this real-life murder mystery. Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! put a modern, stylish twist on a classic Indian literary detective.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha is as charming as can be, telling the tale of a loser (Ayushmann Khurrana) rebelling against his marriage to an accomplished woman (Bhumi Pednekar) who fails to fit his beauty standards. So much care went into the story that it is impossible not to fall in love with these young adults trying to grow under enormous family pressure.

My favorite movie of 2015 is a big budget, multi-starrer that nevertheless tells a smart, contemporary family story. Too often, Bollywood spectacle films are “check your brain at the door” affairs, full of bombast but devoid of substance. Director Zoya Akhtar brings together an A-list cast — including Priyanka Chopra, Anushka Sharma, Ranveer Singh, Farhan Akhtar, and Anil Kapoor — for a film that is fun and romantic, but also contains insightful critiques of the respect (or lack thereof) accorded women in modern Indian society. Director Akhtar takes the opportunity this big-budget blockbuster affords her and uses the platform to inform as well as entertain. For that reason, my favorite Hindi film of 2015 is Dil Dhadakne Do.

(Update: I watched Masaan after posting this list. Were I to re-do my rankings, I’d place Masaan in 9th place, between Dhanak and Haraamkhor.)

Kathy’s Top Ten Bollywood Movies of 2015

  1. Dil Dhadakne Do — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  2. Dum Laga Ke Haisha — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  3. Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  4. Talvar — Buy at Amazon
  5. Piku — Buy/rent at iTunes or Amazon
  6. NH10 — Buy at Amazon
  7. Badlapur — Buy at Amazon
  8. Dhanak
  9. Haraamkhor
  10. Bajirao Mastani

Previous Best Movies Lists

Interview with the Pizza Hut Guy from Bang Bang

The Bollywood action movie Bang Bang is pretty cheesy, full of over-the-top acting and transparent product placement. When I reviewed it in 2014, I wrote this:

A pivotal scene is set in a Pizza Hut located on the top of a mountain, on the edge of a cliff, with no place for a parking lot. Nevertheless, the restaurant is crowded. Not so crowded that Rajveer and Harleen can’t ponder the merits of thin versus stuffed crust, mind you. The kid behind the counter suggests a pan pizza as a compromise. The kid is the best actor in the film.

Here’s who I’m talking about:

bang

Imagine my delight when I received this email in my inbox:

pizzahutguy

“The Pizza Hut Guy” is Aditya Prakash, an actor working in India. Aditya was kind enough to answer a few questions about his career and his experience working on Bang Bang.

Me: What’s your background, Aditya?
Aditya: I am an actor by profession. Before Bang Bang, I have done numerous ads — the one which is on air right now is for PepsiCo — then I did some serials. Every one in my family was sure that I would pursue science as my career.

Me: What inspired you to take up acting?
Aditya: It all started when I fell in love with the Harry Potter movies. I am a die-hard fan of the franchise. I literally cried a whole day in 2007 and 2011 when Rowling released The Deathly Hallows and when Part 2 of the movie released, respectively.

Me: Where was your scene in Bang Bang filmed?
Aditya: The scene was filmed in Film City in Mumbai. [Author’s note: I am deeply disappointed that they didn’t build an actual cliff-top Pizza Hut for the scene.]

Me: Did you get to chat off-camera with Katrina Kaif and Hrithik Roshan?
Aditya: Katrina is reserved. But I now know Hrithik personally!

Me: How different is the experience for an actor with a speaking part versus the extras in the background of the scene?
Aditya: Bollywood differs from Hollywood in some aspects. One among them is that junior artists or background artists who stand or dance in the background don’t get paid very well. I do feel for them.

Me: Please, please tell me they served you pizza on set.
Aditya: Yeah, it’s ironic but I do hate eating Pizza Hut and soft drinks (too much carbs and fats), but yeah, on the shoot day we did eat a hell of a lot of those. As a matter of fact, there were 250 pizzas delivered on the sets!

Me: What are your plans for the future?
Aditya: Currently I am doing a lead role in an upcoming movie, releasing Diwali, 2016. I am also the co-writer for the movie. I do plan to try my best in Hollywood as well. I have always believed in the fact that the harder you work towards your passion, at some point in life HE senses your hard work and helps out.

Thanks, Aditya! Keep up to date with Aditya on Facebook and IMDb.

And if you want to catch up on my Bang Bang coverage, here are links to my review and to the episode of the Split Screen Podcast in which Shah Shahid and I compare the movie to its Hollywood original, Knight and Day.

2015 Thanksgiving Bollywood-on-Netflix Marathon

One of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving as a kid was the annual “Turkey Day” marathon on Comedy Central, featuring back-to-back episodes of my favorite show: Mystery Science Theater 3000. The marathon’s name referred to not only the traditional Thanksgiving turkey we all dined on, but also to the awful movies — “turkeys” — the guys from MST3K skewered each episode.

Though the old Comedy Central event featured lousy films, it got me thinking about how I would organize a Thanksgiving marathon of good Bollywood movies, using only titles available on Netflix. I’ve posted my list below, complete with a fictionalized account of what the day would be like if I were hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my family (which will never happen, BTW).

I’d love to know what your Thanksgiving Bollywood-on-Netflix marathon would be. Here are the rules:

Make sure to limit your movies to those on this Netflix list. This isn’t your ideal Bollywood marathon, just a Netflix marathon. Post your lineup in the comment section below. Happy Turkey Day!

Kathy’s 2015 Bollywood-on-Netflix Turkey Day Marathon

9 a.m. — Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Gotta start out strong. The catchy tunes are perfect background music for early morning prep. (My review | Netflix link)
11:30 a.m. — Kill Dil. By this point, my brother and his wife have come over to help cook. Kill Dil is quirky enough to appeal to my brother, and Ali Zafar can be the eye candy for my sister-in-law. (My review | Netflix link)
2 p.m. — Dhoom 2. The great thing about Dhoom 2 is that it’s just as entertaining (and makes just as much sense) if you come in halfway through the movie as it is if you watch it from the beginning. Perfect for the time period when most of the guests will arrive. (My review | Netflix link)
4:30 p.m. — Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. The main course. Dancing, crying, family reunions… This has “Thanksgiving” written all over it. (My review | Netflix link)
7 p.m. — Hawaizaada. How about some kid-friendly fare to go with my Aunt Mary’s pumpkin pie? (My review | Netflix link)
9:30 p.m. — Aurangzeb. My cousins Lara and Jill have taken their kids home, so any adults still lingering are subject to my whims. That means a soap opera about twins separated at birth swapping places to take down their gangster father. Good times. (My review | Netflix link)

Best Search Engine Terms: Fall, 2015

I am always amused by the phrases people search for to wind up at my site. Certain phrases have an obvious connection, such as “access bollywood,” “bollywood movies on netflix,” or “gunda movie.” Other connections are less obvious. Here are some search term highlights from the last couple of months.

[Note: This post contains offensive language and sexual content. Reader discretion advised.]

Often the funniest search terms are full of spelling errors. Kudos to Google for deducing what this person wanted when searching for the following:

  • bolewd.flems

While I strive to minimize spelling errors in my flem reviews here at Access Bolewd, some movie titles are harder than others. Singh Is Bliing proved particularly challenging:

  • sing is blang
  • singh is blank
  • singh is blaing
  • singh is beleng

This one’s really darn cute:

  • my favourite movie two states information

I liked these, too:

  • rang de basanti emotionz
  • pizza hut in bang bang
  • trick to become charming for girl in hindi
  • bollywood horrer movies in boats

I’m not sure such detailed directions were really necessary here:

  • open main menu search happy new year (2014 film) happy new year

The answer is no:

  • was gunda a blockbuster

When people aren’t searching for questions with obvious answers, they are looking for pornography (not that they will find any here):

  • holiday a soldier is never off duty ass video sex
  • only indian gujarati and hindi sex videos with voice

Some people are into guys:

  • varun dhawan penis
  • randeep hooda hot penis suck

Some people are into gals:

  • fucking photo of konkana sen
  • we can actually see huma qureshi is ass in badlapur
  • madhuri dixit hard sexx.com
  • divya dutta getting fucked in bhag milkha
  • girl ke bobos

And some of you just have weird taste:

  • mithun chakraborty wearing underwear image
  • www sex kiron kherr bollywood com
  • zareen khan foot without nailpolish
  • ileana d’cruz smoking cigarette
  • anupam kher sexy mustache

The Split Screen Podcast Debuts

Big news! Shah Shahid — the man behind the multimedia review site Blank Page Beatdown — just debuted the Split Screen Podcast. Shah’s guest on the first three episodes of the podcast is none other than… ME!

SplitScreenPodcast

Here’s how Shah sums up the goal of the podcast:

The Split Screen Podcast will compare and analyze movies that are adaptations of other works, directly with the source material that they were inspired by. The goal is to essentially determine how good or bad the adaptations were and, most excitingly, going off on long winded, expletive laced rants when they’re bad.

Bollywood flicks are perfectly suited to such a podcast, given how many Hindi films are remakes of other movies. Shah is a lifelong Bollywood fan with a wide-ranging field of interests — including Hollywood films, comic books, and superhero TV shows — and he reviews them all at Blank Page Beatdown. Check the time stamp on his tweets, and you’ll notice that he stays up well into the night ranting about Dune or the latest episode of Quantico.

Though future episodes will cover films in other genres, the first three episodes are all about Bollywood (my realm of expertise). The initial episode is an intro to the podcast — labeled Episode 00 accordingly — in which we discuss Bollywood remakes in general. Episode 01 compares the Hindi film Ghajini to its far, far, far superior inspiration, Memento. In Episode 02, we rail against the horrible changes made to the female protagonist when Knight and Day was remade as Bang Bang!.

The podcasts are full of spoilers and some swear words, so be forewarned. Please check out the Split Screen Podcast and let me know what you think! Enjoy!

To keep up to date with new episodes of the podcast, follow Split Screen Podcast on Twitter or visit Shah’s website, Blank Page Beatdown.

Watching Bollywood Movies on the New Apple TV

Apple just released its new Apple TV, complete with the ability to search for movies across services. Responding to voice commands, Siri searches for films not only in Apple’s own iTunes store but also in the catalogs of streaming services like Netflix and Hulu. So how well does Apple TV’s new system work for Bollywood movies?

One of the big perks of the new system is that Siri can search by genre. If you’re in the mood for a comedy, just ask her to look for comedy movies, and she’ll return a bunch of titles that fit the bill. She can get even more specific if you ask for sub-genres like foreign comedies or military comedies.

What Siri can’t do is find Bollywood movies as a genre. She recognized the command “Find Bollywood movies” correctly, but only offers an apology: “Sorry, I can’t find that.” Same if you ask her to find Indian movies or Hindi movies. She currently couldn’t find Korean or French movies, either.

Siri has trouble recognizing many names of Indian actors and Hindi movie titles. The system offers several language settings — such as “English” (American is implied), “English (U.K.),” and “English (Indian)” — but changing the settings doesn’t affect Siri’s ability to recognize words.

Siri had no problem with Amitabh Bachchan and Priyanka Chopra. And though Siri interpreted Akshay Kumar as “Oxier Kumar,” she used the “Kumar” part of his name to find a selection of his films. She wasn’t so accurate with Shahrukh Khan, whom she heard as “Sharbrook Con.” (What is a sharbrook?) Attempts to search for Hrithik Roshan returned “Griffin Rochan” and “Find the Russian.”

Kajol got the funniest result by far. Siri heard the star’s name as “Call Joel,” which prompted her to display the following message:

SiriKajol

Searching for movie titles via Siri produced more humorous results. Kahaani became “Call Hymie,” prompting the same note about phone calls as Kajol. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge returned “The wallet I love honey giant gay” and “Bill Walle I love honey jayenge.” At least Siri got “jayenge” the second time, though I’m not sure who Bill Walle is.

As with actors’ names, Siri sometimes got titles right, too. She was able to differentiate between Barfi and Barfly, displaying the appropriate movie in each case.

Though slower than using Siri, the most effective method for finding the Bollywood film you want is to skip Siri and use the Apple TV’s search function on the homescreen. Using the Apple TV remote, swipe left or right to type in the name of a movie, actor, or director. The swipeable keyboard is a pain to use; all 26 letters are in a single horizontal line, so you spend a lot of time going back and forth between each letter. Hopefully, Apple is working on a better system for typing.

Titles or names matching your search show up below the text bar. Click on a title to get more information about a specific film. The list of cast and crew that appear on the left side of the screen aren’t clickable, but the names appear again further down the page in clickable format.

Each film’s specific page displays the various ways to watch it. If you have an active Netflix or Hulu subscription, those viewing options appear first, ahead of the purchasing and rental options available through iTunes. Apple doesn’t try to trick you into paying for something that you can already watch for free.

If you downloaded the Netflix or Hulu apps to the Apple TV, but don’t have an active subscription, a title’s availability on a given service is still noted on the individual movie’s page. For example, my Hulu account isn’t currently active, but it still appeared as an option on the page for the film The World Before Her. My viewing options were listed in this order: Netflix, iTunes, Hulu. If I wanted to renew my Hulu subscription, I could do it through the Apple TV, without having to open another device.

Though Apple TV claims it supports searches by genre, attempts to do so (via both typing and Siri) did not work in my tests. If you want to find the entire category of Bollywood movies, you have to go into the iTunes Movies section on the home screen. Choose “Foreign,” then scroll down to find a colorful banner labeled “Bollywood” with a picture of a dancing woman. There you can see what’s new to iTunes, and scroll through a few sub-genres. However, since area this is specifically within the iTunes store, individual movie pages don’t show you if the film is available on other services. You have to go back out the search page and check the specific title to see if it’s available at Netflix, or some other service.

The actual Apple TV viewing experience is really enjoyable. Swiping down from the top of the touch-sensitive remote control displays audio options, including the ability to toggle subtitles in most apps. “Reduce loud sounds” is another great audio option, allowing for a better balance between dialogue and sound effects.

My favorite feature is the video scrubbing option, which allows you to see shots from the movie as you scroll forward and backward on the remote’s touchpad. This makes it a lot easier to find specific scenes, and it worked well in tests with iTunes, Netflix, and YouTube. So now if you’re watching Gunda on YouTube, you can easily scan ahead to the part where Shankar finds the baby in the garbage can, and then scan further to watch him toss the baby to his pet monkey. It also makes it easier to find this:

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 7.20.21 PM

In my brief experience, YouTube streaming worked more smoothly on Apple TV than on Google’s own Chromecast, which was an unexpected benefit.

Obviously, Apple TV has some kinks to work out with Siri’s audio recognition and the swipe keyboard, but overall it’s a great device for Bollywood fans. An ability to search by genre outside of the iTunes store would be a huge bonus, and apps by streaming services like Eros Now and Spuul — maybe even Amazon? — would make it invaluable.

CSAFF 2015 Preview

The Chicago South Asian Film Festival kicks off its sixth annual festival on Wednesday, September 30, 2015. This year includes new competitive categories for features and short films, in addition to a slate of other features and shorts with a connection to South Asian culture.

I’ve reviewed several of the movies showcased at this year’s festival, including:

Patang — The festival begins with a special showing of Patang in memory of its director, Chicagoan Prashant Bhargava.

Dhanak — This adorable picture starts the day on Saturday, October 3, with a showing at 9 a.m.

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge — In honor of its twentieth anniversary, the Bollywood classic gets a special showing on Saturday, October 3, at 5:45 p.m.

Hunterrr — One of the festival’s competitive features, this romantic-comedy-drama runs Saturday, October 3, at 9 p.m., followed by a Q&A session with director Harshavardan Kulkarni.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha — This delightful romantic-comedy didn’t release in the US theaters earlier this year when it released in India, so this is a great chance for Chicagoans to finally see it on the big screen. It runs in the non-competitive category on Saturday, October 3, at 9:30 p.m.

G – A Wanton Heart — Director Rahul Dahiya’s social drama makes its world premiere at the festival on Sunday, October 4, at 2 p.m.

If you can’t attend the festival in person, you can still catch several of these great films at home on the following platforms:

Here’s to another great Chicago South Asian Film Festival!