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Movie Review: Blue (2009)

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blue2 Stars (out of 4)

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I recently read a post about older actors, including guys like Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone, who should retire from action roles. It’s time to add Sanjay Dutt to that list.

I’ll admit that Dutt was perfectly suited for his role in 2008’s Kidnap, in which he had to kick butt in order to rescue his daughter. But his role in Blue should’ve gone to a younger man.

In Blue, Dutt plays Sagar, a broke fisherman who lives in the Bahamas and works for his pal, wealthy playboy Aarav (Akshay Kumar). Their friendship doesn’t make much sense; I doubt that in real life Kumar goes clubbing with his gardener.

Even more ridiculous is Sagar’s relationship with his girlfriend, Mona (Lara Dutta). Dutta is nearly twenty years younger than Dutt and looks it. Why Mona — a hot, young woman living in the Bahamas — would settle for a poor, old fisherman with no prospects defies explanation.

After some opening scenes in which Sagar and Aarav wrestle a shark (I’m not kidding), the movie cuts abruptly to a new set of characters. A young guy named Sam (Zayed Khan) races motorcycles and gets involved with some shady people, including the lovely Nikki (Katrina Kaif). He’s paid to deliver a satchel to an address somewhere in Thailand.

As I was watching the movie, this task seemed tricky to me since Sam only had a motorcycle. Perhaps he had to take the satchel to the airport?

After an explosive motorcycle chase, Sam tells Nikki, “I’m going to hide out in the Bahamas.”

Wait! We’re not in the Bahamas anymore? A simple line on screen saying “Bangkok, Thailand” when the scenes with Sam started would’ve been nice.

Turns out Sam is Sagar’s younger brother. Much younger, apparently, since Khan is 21 years younger than Dutt in real life.

There’s only the thinnest thread of a plot holding Blue together, and it involves finding treasure on a sunken ship in order to pay off the people from whom Sam fled. Scenes involving the story account for approximately 15% of the movie; the rest is made up of chase scenes, dance numbers, underwater fights, shark footage, shots of womens’ butts and crotch-shots of bikini-clad Lara Dutta. Blue embodies the phrase “style over substance.”

The action scenes are reasonably well done, and the underwater shots are impressive. But being impressed by the movie’s technical execution doesn’t lead one to care about the characters, and I simply didn’t care about any of them.

Perhaps I’m not in the demographic Blue is hoping to appeal to. If I were a 15-year-old boy, I might be more  easily dazzled by the girls in bikinis and the water ski chase scenes. But wouldn’t a 15-year-old boy rather watch an action hero who’s closer to his own age than to that of his father? Or worse, his grandfather?

Movie Review: Kambakkht Ishq (2009)

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kambakktishq1 Star (out of 4)

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By this point, if you’ve seen one Akshay Kumar slapstick comedy, such as Chandni Chowk to China, Singh is Kinng, or Welcome, you’ve seen them all. Kambakkht Ishq is no different, except that producer Sajid Nadiadwala cast three American movie stars, in the hopes of making this film a crossover hit. But the publicity-stunt casting can’t save this cliched comedy.

Kumar stars as Viraj, a Hollywood stuntman who thinks women are only good for one thing. Kareena Kapoor plays Simrita, a supermodel-surgeon (seriously) who thinks men are dogs. While trying to convince their families and friends that romance is for suckers, they inadvertently fall in love with each other. It’s a plot that’s as old as the hills, and this movie does nothing to freshen it up.

There are a number of reasons why Kambakkht Ishq won’t appeal to American audiences the way Nadiadwala hoped, beyond the predictable problem of Hindi wordplay jokes that aren’t funny when translated into in English.

First, the casting of American actors didn’t work. It was cool to see Sylvester Stallone in a Bollywood movie, but Denise Richards and Brandon Routh barely qualify as “stars” in the U.S. I’m guessing Denise Richards is referred to only by her full (and real) name throughout the movie so that Indian moviegoers can look her up on IMDb after getting home from the theater.

More confusing is the inclusion of a bunch of Australian actors in the movie, even though it’s set in Hollywood. Aussie singer Holly Valance makes a cameo appearance, despite having little name recognition in the U.S., apart from a few small parts on some canceled TV shows. And nothing snaps you out of movie faster than an L.A. thug who sounds like Crocodile Dundee.

Along those lines, the dialogue in the movie is lame, and having American actors deliver awkward lines in English just emphasizes the poor quality of the writing.

Also problematic for American audiences is a scene in where Simrita watches Viraj film stunts for a movie. The set Viraj is working on is clearly that of the Waterworld stunt show at Universal Studios Hollywood theme park. There are even empty bleachers in the background of one of the shots!

Yet the biggest reason American movie fans won’t like Kambakkht Ishq is its style of comedy. Most egregiously, some of the jokes are racist, such as when Viraj dons an afro wig and blackface makeup to trick his sister-in-law.

The rest of the slapstick-style comedy is old-fashioned by American standards, and not well executed. There are pratfalls and pies in the face, all done with over-the-top, silent-movie-style acting.

There’s also a bit with a doctor who’s lost his hearing aid that inspires predictable jokes like this:

Viraj: “I need you to check!”
Doctor: “You want to have sex?”

All of the jokes in Kambakkht Ishq have been done before, and they’ve all been done better. Given the dismal reviews American critics gave to Chandni Chowk to China, which was distributed by Warner Bros., it’s time for Indian producers to rethink pinning their hopes of achieving crossover success in the U.S. on Akshay Kumar, at least until he starts making more sophisticated comedies.

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Opening July 3: Kambakkht Ishq

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This holiday weekend marks the long-awaited release of Kambakkht Ishq, a romantic comedy starring Akshay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor. The pair play a bickering stuntman and supermodel who try to break up a wedding. As with most Akshay Kumar movies, expect slapstick wackiness.

Of interest to American audiences are cameo appearances by actors Sylvester Stallone, Denise Richards and Brandon Routh. The majority of the movie was shot at Universal Studios in Hollywood, a first for Indian cinema.

Kambakkht Ishq will open in the Chicago area at the AMC Loews Pipers Alley 4 in Chicago, the Big Cinemas Golf Glen 5 in Niles, the AMC South Barrington 30 in South Barrington and the AMC Cantera 30 in Warrenville. The Cantera 30 is featuring a special midnight showing of Kambakkht Ishq on Thursday night (technically 12:01 a.m. Friday). Eros Entertainment’s website has a list of all theaters in the U.S. and Canada showing the movie, which has a listed runtime of 2 hrs 20 min.

Last week’s big Bollywood release, New York, made an impressive showing in U.S. theaters. It earned nearly $500,000, to finish in 16th place last weekend, with a better per-screen average than the debut of Cameron Diaz’s film My Sister’s Keeper.

New York is carrying over for a second week at the AMC Cantera 30, the AMC South Barrington 30, and the Big Cinemas Golf Glen 5. It’s definitely worth checking out; I gave it 3.5/4 stars in my review.

The other Indian movies playing in the Chicago area this weekend are all in Telugu, including Oy! at the Golf Glen 5, and Kick and Evaraina Epudaina at the Sathyam Cinemas in Downers Grove.