Movie Review: Kick (2014)

Kick0 Stars (out of 4)

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Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but Kick asks its audience to forget everything they know about quality filmmaking for 146 minutes. Kick is boring, annoying, and offensively stupid.

Though no one associated with this turd comes off well, Kick is primarily a failure of storytelling. The moronic plot lacks any sense of organization. Explanations come out of left field. The characters — in particular Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s villainous rich guy, Faroz — operate without clear motivation. There’s nothing in this that makes a lick of sense.

Though Kick is a Salman Khan vehicle, the movie opens with Shaina (Jacqueline Fernandez) moping about in Warsaw, Poland. She shares a train ride with Himanshu (Randeep Hooda), a top cop visiting from India. Their families want the two of them to marry, but Shaina explains that she’s still mourning the end of her previous relationship.

The movie should’ve stopped at that point. When Randeep Hooda starts talking marriage — especially while looking cute in a sweater vest — the only answer is, “Yes.” Roll credits. Instead, we get forty-five minutes of flashbacks to Shaina’s romance with annoying lout Devi Lal (Khan).

It’s hard to believe that a woman intelligent enough to become a licensed psychiatrist would fall for a schmuck as irritating as Devi Lal, but Shaina does nonetheless. He dumps her after she suggests that — since he finds steady employment and conventional romance a kind of “hell” that interferes with his adrenaline addiction — they live with her dad after marriage. Devi Lal declares that he won’t be a live-in son-in-law and stalks off.

It takes nearly two hours before alleged genius cop Himanshu realizes that the master thief “Devil” he’s tracked to Warsaw is Shaina’s ex, Devi Lal, who’s managed to worm his way into Shaina’s care with a purported case of amnesia.

Things get increasingly stupid as politically connected healthcare tycoon Feroz is revealed to be Devil’s next target. Siddiqui plays Feroz as a cackling supervillain, but he doesn’t have a sinister agenda or plan for world domination. He’s just a rich guy who’s kind of a dick.

(Speaking of genitalia, did no one on the crew notice that Randeep’s nuts were practically busting out of his pants during Himanshu’s balcony drinking scene with Devi Lal?)

The explanation for Devi Lal’s transition from unemployed schmo to master thief hinges on writer-director Sajid Nadiadwala’s exploitation of disabled children to provoke audience sympathy. It’s tacky.

It also doesn’t hold up to scrutiny from a story perspective. No matter what Devil’s Robin Hood-like motivations are, he kills several Polish police officers who try to stop his destructive chase through downtown Warsaw (which may have actually been London, since Devil drives a red double-decker bus headed for King’s Cross).

But, this being a Salman Khan film, morality always tilts in Khan’s favor. No matter how many lives Devi Lal/Devil takes, he’s always the hero because his intentions were good. Like every Khan character, Devi Lal’s only flaw is that he doesn’t have a girlfriend when the movie begins.

There’s nothing good about this movie. The performances are terrible. Even the choreography sucks because it has to accommodate Khan’s stiffness.

Enough. We’ve seen this all before. Kick just takes the typical Khan movie to jaw-dropping new lows.

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44 thoughts on “Movie Review: Kick (2014)

  1. Nav

    Hi Kathy

    That is a damning review! Is the movie that terrible? Was hoping to catch this up but unfortunately it is not playing anywhere near ๐Ÿ˜ฆ :-)!?

    1. Kathy Post author

      It really is that bad, Nav. The first 45 minutes are unbearably annoying and boring, and it doesn’t get much better after that. And for all the money they spent, the special effects are terrible. Salman punches a guy in the ribs, and instead of using CGI, they use a cartoon x-ray of a torso to show the ribs cracking. A cartoon! As critic Mihir Fadnavis said of director Sajid Nadiadwala in his review:

      To say that he phones it in would mean he actually made the effort to make a call on sets.

  2. Tanay

    But it will break all box office records… Nawazuddin Siddique said that this film will benefit him as an actor coz due to Salman’s huge fan base more people will know him. May be he is tired of doing low budget films which are made for film festivals.

    1. Kathy Post author

      I don’t blame Nawazuddin, Randeep, or Jacqueline for going for the cash grab. If it enables them to make better movies in the future, more power to ’em.

  3. Ehinome Okojie

    Kick is better than most Oscar winners and definitely the shi* film Gunday. Salman will keep on kicking the botoxed buttocks of his haters/critics. Cheers to Kick.

    1. shikher

      are you fucking kidding????? how can a sane man like this movie..i dont want to live in this world anymore

  4. rangika

    This is one of the best film, its too much fun and it will entertain you to the fullest, romance, comedy,action, and songs were amazing,,all people were happy when leaving the hall, this a huge blockbuster..and it will surely break even dhoom 3 record if they hired a famous actress,,,coz many people have doubt of not breaking records, so as per chennai express and dhoom 3, they did huge marketing campaign, and spend lot of money on actors and actressess..so thats why they break records..so by comparing to those KICK is 1000 Times better than shitty films like chennai express..so never under estimate the value of the film by money.it has a great concept,,this film will rock the world..songs are outstanding..

    1. Kathy Post author

      Future commenters take note: Rangika gets the last word on behalf of the “This is one of the best film” crowd. Same goes for anyone wishing to list movies Kick is superior to. I’m glad you had a good time, Rangika.

  5. Parth

    After Dabang i had decided that i m not gonna watch any salman, Akshay or Ajay’s action movies and for couple of years i successfully avoided those movies. But recently coming from Ahmedabad to Bangalore in bus ( 28 hours journey) the conductor and some other passengers were fan of Bhai so he played all salman’s movies plus some Akshay and Ajay’s movies. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    And after your review I.m surely gonna fight if such situation occurs again.

    Film Makers must understand that they can entertain people with smarter scripts also.

    1. Kathy Post author

      Parth, I’m imagining you after fourteen hours on the Bhai Bus telling the driver, “Let me off. I can’t make it all the way to Bangalore. I’ll just live here, wherever the heck we are.” ๐Ÿ˜€

      I’m going to quote Mihir Fadnavis:

      But once again, this is a masala commercial film and I shouldnโ€™t expect anything smart or classy. Right? Wrong. You can choose to have a good script. You can choose to entertain audiences by not insulting their intelligence. You can choose to not have Jacqueline Fernandez playing a psychologist whose idea of treating a patient is to bring him home and then take him to a bar.

      1. Parth

        Hahahaha, ๐Ÿ˜€ that thought came to my mind hundred times. I mean who wouldn’t get such thought, other than half of my fellow passengers. The guy sitting next to me was enjoying so much very Expressively. He actually requested Rowdy Rathod. So let me give you the list. Dabang, bodyguard, ek tha tiger, rowdy rathod, singham and chatursing two star ( the makers gave extra two star to the movie) ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
        Mihir perfectly put it. Look at Dedh Ishqiya it’s an entertaining movie with such a great script.

  6. Deepak C.

    Hysterical review, great as always. Will probably wait for DVD or Netflix. Looks like it’s gonna be harder than ever for me to defend being a Salman fan….

  7. rahul

    hi Kathy,
    I probably will not watch the movie for a long time…but loved your review, very entertaining !!!

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  9. Anushka

    Always knew it was going to be terrible.Salman khan is the worst actor..He cannot act!He cannot act!And can’t act.
    The only actor who I cannot stand.

    Somebody should really ask him told stop this blasphemy,kathy. (And with blasphemy I mean STOP MAKING MOVIES.)

    1. Kathy Post author

      Tell us how you really feel, Anushka! ๐Ÿ˜‰ In Salman’s defense, I thought he was really good in Dabangg. I just think filmmakers think they can get away with lazy writing when he’s the star. Kick is making me think more favorably of Ek Tha Tiger, in retrospect.

  10. Abhishek

    AWESOME Movie Salman bhai keep it up
    I will watch it atleast 3times, god bless you,
    may you live 150years

  11. Keyur Seta

    You have nailed it again, Kathy! Your review is many times more entertaining than the film. In fact, it hurts to address this trash as ‘film’. I only loved Nawazuddin’s performance.
    Salman’s movies are achieving new low film after film. On top of that, the guy’s acting skills have become terrible! But it doesn’t matter to the masses in India since their idea of a ‘good actor’ is ‘good looks’ and ‘good physique’. Needless to say, Jacqueline too is a non-actor.

    Cheers!

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  20. Ehinome Okojie

    Highest grossing bollywood films in India
    1. Dhoom 3 – 2.61
    2. Chennai Express – 2.18
    3. Kick – 2.15
    4. 3 Idiots – 2.02
    5.. Krrish 3 – 1.98
    All figures are expressed as domestic net in billions of rupees from Hindi version.

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